Friday, July 20, 2012
So I needed to write this down because I can hardly even believe that it is true. My daughter is just over a year old AND I am surprisingly, shockingly, 7.5 weeks pregnant. Things just work out in ways I never expected - we waited too long to meet our daughter (but I wouldn't change a thing) and now we will hopefully be meeting our new babe much sooner than we could have ever expected. I only had two regular periods since giving birth and both times I was totally aware that I was ovulating. Maybe being a mum has changed my body or maybe I am just more aware of changes now. So the first month I suggested to my hubby that we try – hey, why not? We did try and nothing. I immediately got discouraged, and assumed that infertility would plague us once again. I was nowhere near as sad as when we first started trying to get pregnant though. I had tried to maintain that if we only ever had our daughter we would be so totally blessed that we wouldn't stress ourselves out like we had in the past. So the second month we tried again, with very little thought to getting pregnant (I'm not even sure my hubby was aware I was ovulating). THEN I had my first day back at work. Our daughter was doing well adjusting to daycare but I was having a hard time adjusting to work life. I have always valued my career and I worked hard to get where I am. I felt strange about being out of the workforce for a year and felt I wasn't going to be taken seriously. I went home that day and just felt strange. I asked hubby to get an HPT and sure enough the lines turned pink right away. I proceeded to take 2 more – all positive. I hate to even say this - but I really need to get it off my chest – my first reaction was not positive. I felt sad and scared and nervous about having two such small children, I felt panicked. Our daughter is great but a handful and the thought of being pregnant and taking care of her and then to have "two under two" was overwhelming. Anyways, I am now delighted but still nervous. My year of maternity leave with my daugther was the best year of my life and she really is the sweetest little girl ever. Everyone kept telling me "oh, the second time is easier", "you have a better chance now", and "you're so fertile after giving birth". Well, I didn't believe any of them I had even gone to see my RE to start thinking about IVF down the road. I am still a nervous pregnant woman even though I had a dating ultrasound last week. I can't wait until I see our little bean at the 12 week ultrasound. Wish us luck!