almost halfway

I am now 18 weeks 6 days along. We had our second OB appointment last week and got to hear the heartbeat for the second time. It was so reassuring - it had been 4 weeks since our last appointment and my mind constantly races wondering how the little one is doing. I decided not to get a home doppler (actually my husband and Dr. talked me out of it) - that probably would have driven me pretty crazy anyway, especially if I couldn't find the heartbeat. Even the technician last week had trouble finding the heartbeat. She got it right away for a second and then kept losing it - I guess the baby is very active, I am picturing the little one spinning in circles. But of course even that made me nervous - wondering, if that baby is so active how come I can't feel anything yet? I suppose I will always find something to worry about... People online keep talking about feeling their baby move by this point, by I haven't felt anything conclusive, my Dr. said that is it is still early.

Generally, I am feeling pretty good. My belly is getting big - in the morning it is smaller, and by the evening it is huge and hard. My belly button has almost disappeared, it was pretty deep before, and every day I ask my husband to measure it with his finger. I am also starting to get a line from my belly button up to my chest.

Our "big" ultrasound is this Thursday - we find out the gender! People sometimes ask me what I want. I know it sounds cliche, but all I want is a healthy little baby. I have no gut feeling about the sex and neither does my hubby. We both guess boy but it is just for the sake of guessing. My husband had a dream about a baby boy, and that has been the only hint so far. Personally, I think it will be the opposite of whatever I think it is - that's just the way it goes.

My new job is keeping me busy - busier than I actually thought it would keep me. My hours are reasonable, but I am definitely working hard.

Back in the Stirrups

Well ICLW is over for September - I was not as "attentive" as I had hoped to be, but I read some interesting blogs, and gained a few followers – thanks ladies! My time off is quickly approaching, which will leave me with lots of time to catch up on all of your blogs and contribute to mine.

I’ve already posted to October ICLW in the spirit of being organized. I had to think about my 3 key words – this month they are “first IVF, 2 week wait, and infertility”. My two week wait will be at the end of October, coinciding with ICLW.

As a short update – today was my Day 0; I got my blood and ultrasounds and met with the IVF nurse. It looks like I have about 15 follicles total – I have no idea if that’s average, or a lot, or a few. Once they confirm everything is OK later today, I will start Menopur tomorrow – yeah! My husband is such a pro now with the needles, I hardly even feel them anymore.

I also paid my fees in full - $7,700 for the IVF, ICSI and assisted hatching, and $1,000 for the meds for the first 5 days. All together this little endeavor will cost about $10,000 from my estimate. I paid for it all on my credit card – air miles here I come – and will pay it off using my savings from the last several months. I have been putting money aside from every paycheque to cover this, so at least I won’t be paying interest on this major purchase.

It is all starting to feel very real now. When I was getting my ultrasound this morning, I started thinking about the diagram of the “wand” with the long needle that retrieves the follicles – and then I started to panic a little. I have been getting needles pretty frequently since I was a kid (weekly allergy shots for years), but I still get pretty nervous and anxious about these things. It’s funny, after all this time talking to people in support groups, online, etc. I never thought to ask about the actual “procedure”.

For those of you that have done IVF, how did you find the retrieval? I’m interested to hear people’s experiences, but no horror stories please!