I wouldn’t say that I have an addictive personality, I have no real vices to speak of, but when there’s something that I want to do or accomplish, it weighs on my mind constantly and I go for it with all I’ve got.
Now that I have decided to start a blog I can feel that obsession creeping in. I posted my blog on “Stirrup Queens” ICLW and waited for the followers to come! I had no idea that starting a blog would fuel my obsessive nature like this. I checked my stats and comments before I went to bed last night and as soon as I woke up this morning (thanks to the three ladies who posted comments already!). I am trying to understand why I feel so excited to have followers/people reading my posts. I think it just has something to do with the feeling of being part of a community, even if it’s a community most of us wish we weren’t part of.
On the ICLW site, I had to list three main themes for my blog – first IVF and infertility were obvious ones, but I struggled a bit with the third. Finally I decided to write “loneliness”. Its not that I want to dwell on my feelings of loneliness, but that has been one of the most difficult aspects of infertility for me and I hope that writing about it will let others know that many of us feel that way.
In the time that my husband and I have been trying to conceive, all of our friends have gotten pregnant with no difficulty whatsoever. This includes friends from high school, university, work, family members, etc. You might think I am exaggerating when I say “all” of my friends – but I’m really not. Several of them got pregnant within a couple of months of each other (some mere days apart). I remember thinking to myself – I have to be pregnant before so and so, or, I have to be pregnant before so and so gives birth, or, I have to be pregnant before so and so’s baby turns one. But these “dates” have come and gone, and I am still the lone childless one in my social circle.
These feelings come and go, and I don’t want to give the impression that I mope around all the time feeling sorry for myself (just some of the time). One of the best things I did for myself during this last 2.5 years was to participate in a support group that focused on meditation, yoga, diet and other techniques to deal with these feelings and to help reduce the stress of dealing with infertility. My husband definitely noticed the difference in my ability to cope with the tests, drugs, doctor’s visits, etc. and I made some good friends that understand this shared struggle. (If you live in the Toronto area I would be happy to pass along the information for this group – it is a paid course, but well worth it.)
I’m really looking forward to keeping up with this blog, so thanks again for checking it out and for being such a supportive group!
Showing posts with label infertility blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility blog. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
My first post
Welcome to my blog.
On a whim (and suffering extreme boredom and indifference at work) I decided to start a blog. I guess it wasn’t really a whim, more like inspiration. I have been inspired by all of the amazing women (and one man) who have started blogs that reveal their feelings and experiences about infertility. Like most of the women out there dealing with infertility, I spend a lot of time on Google looking for diagnoses, ideas, or some shred of hope, that we might one day be one of the lucky people who “beat” infertility. A friend of mine, who I met through a support group for infertility, told me about this page called “999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility”. I am sure any of you who have found my blog must also be familiar with this one. After reading all of the postings on that site (maybe 150 – 200??? I lost count), I followed up on various posters with blogs of their own. These blogs are humorous, filled with information and hope, and most of all have helped me feel a little less alone. It opened up my eyes to this community of women and now that I am about to embark on my first IVF I decided to join the gang!
A brief bit of history about my TTC journey: We have been with two different Res, one terrible and one so-so (but who seems to have loyal patients), I have done two IUIs on Clomid, and two IUIs on Menopur injectables, with good follicle response but no success and no explanations. I had a laparoscopy before the last two IUIs, and one Yale Endometrial Function test (endometrial biopsy) before starting IVF. The laparoscopy showed mild endometriosis, and the Yale test showed an infection and dis-syncrony (???) of my lining. Following that test I was put on Lupron Depot for three months back in May (I will save that story for another posting) and antibiotics for one month. I used that time while on the Lupron Depot (while there was no chance I would get pregnant) to eat all the fat, gluten, sugar, etc., I am not “supposed” to be eating, and to drink all the alcohol and caffeine I am not “supposed” to be drinking. I like to blame my recent weight gain on the hormones, but I suspect it was also partly these indulgences. I also went on roller coasters, and spent time in saunas and hot tubs – just some of things I have been avoiding doing for the last 2.5 years. Now that the Lupron Depot is out of my system, I am one week and two days into the birth control pill part of my IVF cycle.
I decided to call my blog “First and Only?” because to-date I have been very adamant, and my husband has (after lots of discussion) agreed, that we would only do one IVF, and if doesn’t work we would move on to adoption. I am the kind of person that generally sticks to a decision, sometimes bordering on stubborn. I hope in this case this won’t be a decision we have to make.
On a whim (and suffering extreme boredom and indifference at work) I decided to start a blog. I guess it wasn’t really a whim, more like inspiration. I have been inspired by all of the amazing women (and one man) who have started blogs that reveal their feelings and experiences about infertility. Like most of the women out there dealing with infertility, I spend a lot of time on Google looking for diagnoses, ideas, or some shred of hope, that we might one day be one of the lucky people who “beat” infertility. A friend of mine, who I met through a support group for infertility, told me about this page called “999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility”. I am sure any of you who have found my blog must also be familiar with this one. After reading all of the postings on that site (maybe 150 – 200??? I lost count), I followed up on various posters with blogs of their own. These blogs are humorous, filled with information and hope, and most of all have helped me feel a little less alone. It opened up my eyes to this community of women and now that I am about to embark on my first IVF I decided to join the gang!
A brief bit of history about my TTC journey: We have been with two different Res, one terrible and one so-so (but who seems to have loyal patients), I have done two IUIs on Clomid, and two IUIs on Menopur injectables, with good follicle response but no success and no explanations. I had a laparoscopy before the last two IUIs, and one Yale Endometrial Function test (endometrial biopsy) before starting IVF. The laparoscopy showed mild endometriosis, and the Yale test showed an infection and dis-syncrony (???) of my lining. Following that test I was put on Lupron Depot for three months back in May (I will save that story for another posting) and antibiotics for one month. I used that time while on the Lupron Depot (while there was no chance I would get pregnant) to eat all the fat, gluten, sugar, etc., I am not “supposed” to be eating, and to drink all the alcohol and caffeine I am not “supposed” to be drinking. I like to blame my recent weight gain on the hormones, but I suspect it was also partly these indulgences. I also went on roller coasters, and spent time in saunas and hot tubs – just some of things I have been avoiding doing for the last 2.5 years. Now that the Lupron Depot is out of my system, I am one week and two days into the birth control pill part of my IVF cycle.
I decided to call my blog “First and Only?” because to-date I have been very adamant, and my husband has (after lots of discussion) agreed, that we would only do one IVF, and if doesn’t work we would move on to adoption. I am the kind of person that generally sticks to a decision, sometimes bordering on stubborn. I hope in this case this won’t be a decision we have to make.
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