My New Obsession

I wouldn’t say that I have an addictive personality, I have no real vices to speak of, but when there’s something that I want to do or accomplish, it weighs on my mind constantly and I go for it with all I’ve got.

Now that I have decided to start a blog I can feel that obsession creeping in. I posted my blog on “Stirrup Queens” ICLW and waited for the followers to come! I had no idea that starting a blog would fuel my obsessive nature like this. I checked my stats and comments before I went to bed last night and as soon as I woke up this morning (thanks to the three ladies who posted comments already!). I am trying to understand why I feel so excited to have followers/people reading my posts. I think it just has something to do with the feeling of being part of a community, even if it’s a community most of us wish we weren’t part of.

On the ICLW site, I had to list three main themes for my blog – first IVF and infertility were obvious ones, but I struggled a bit with the third. Finally I decided to write “loneliness”. Its not that I want to dwell on my feelings of loneliness, but that has been one of the most difficult aspects of infertility for me and I hope that writing about it will let others know that many of us feel that way.

In the time that my husband and I have been trying to conceive, all of our friends have gotten pregnant with no difficulty whatsoever. This includes friends from high school, university, work, family members, etc. You might think I am exaggerating when I say “all” of my friends – but I’m really not. Several of them got pregnant within a couple of months of each other (some mere days apart). I remember thinking to myself – I have to be pregnant before so and so, or, I have to be pregnant before so and so gives birth, or, I have to be pregnant before so and so’s baby turns one. But these “dates” have come and gone, and I am still the lone childless one in my social circle.

These feelings come and go, and I don’t want to give the impression that I mope around all the time feeling sorry for myself (just some of the time). One of the best things I did for myself during this last 2.5 years was to participate in a support group that focused on meditation, yoga, diet and other techniques to deal with these feelings and to help reduce the stress of dealing with infertility. My husband definitely noticed the difference in my ability to cope with the tests, drugs, doctor’s visits, etc. and I made some good friends that understand this shared struggle. (If you live in the Toronto area I would be happy to pass along the information for this group – it is a paid course, but well worth it.)

I’m really looking forward to keeping up with this blog, so thanks again for checking it out and for being such a supportive group!