Stress (Out)

I have decided to take some significant time off from work to go through my IVF cycle. I found out a few months ago that I have been accumulating holiday time over the last 5 years – who knew – and now I have 19 days of additional vacation time!!! I started thinking about all the things I could change about this cycle versus my previous IUI cycles – and the reduction of stress from work has always been the thing that kept creeping back into my head when I asked – what did I do wrong? I don’t believe that stress has kept me from getting pregnant all these years, but it sure couldn’t hurt to eliminate some of it.

I have two bosses, one of whom knows what I am going through - she caught me crying at the office and I finally just gave in and told her and hoped she’d be sympathetic. She was very sympathetic, which I am totally grateful for, but I don’t think either of them are too thrilled with me taking a full 4 weeks off. To be honest – I had already decided when I “asked” for the time off that it wasn’t really up for discussion; I was just going to take it.

A friend asked me if my doctor told me to take that time off, and I realized that it might seem like a lot to take that much time off for an IVF, maybe even selfish? I am sure many women just call in sick for a few days. However, I really can’t fathom the idea of coming into work a) when I am (hopefully) so bloated from follicle stimulating drugs, or b) totally crazed during the 2ww. During my past IUI cycles I was practically useless anyway, since all I did was search web for pregnancy symptoms (has anyone ever really had implantation bleeding???) or success stories to keep me going.

I took a few days to figure out how to tell my clients they wouldn’t be able to get a hold of me for a month (I’m going to try to avoid my blackberry too). I didn’t want to say I was taking vacation because I recently took a two week vacation, and I thought that might seem flaky of me to take off again so soon.

I decided I would tell people I was taking a “medical leave”. So far, I have told three clients, all of whom have gone silent and then sounded worried with an “I hope everything is OK”. I think “medical leave” is cryptic enough that people don’t ask anymore questions, and I haven’t volunteered any further information – I like to keep people on their toes! By the sounds of their reactions they may think I am dying or have some sort of terminal illness. I certainly don’t want to compare infertility or going through an IVF with any of these things, but I just didn’t know how else to handle it. Hopefully no one is tact-less enough to ask any prying questions.

As for my time off, I have made myself a few promises. I figure if I am going to make the most of this time, I need to do certain things that will make me feel like I did everything I could to increase my chances of success. This means:
- I will eat only healthy food (I am back on my "clean diet" as of last Friday)
- I will only get together with people that make me happy
- I will meditate and practice deep breathing
- I will practice certain yoga poses everyday
- I will watch only movies/TV that make me feel good (no scary or depressing movies)
- I will read only books that are uplifting or funny
(There are probably others, but I can’t seem to remember them all)

My naturopath said something very poignant to me – she said to make sure that I don’t feel guilty if I don’t do these things because it can become a vicious cycle - feeling stressed – trying to do things that reduce stress – then feeling guilty for feeling stressed in the first place and not doing de-stressing things, thereby increasing the stress. So I also promise not to feel guilt about stress or not keeping all my promises to myself.

I hope that the cycle goes according to plan, and that I don’t have to come back to the office early because of a cancelled cycle, but I will deal with that if the time comes. For now, I just have to assume it will go according to “plan” and count down the days until I have a little break from work.

I have three questions for you ladies out there:
- Has anyone out there made a similar decision to take time off around an IVF (more than a few days)?
- What did you tell people you were going to be doing during your time off?
- What did you do with your time off?