Friday, October 22, 2010

Distractions

So it has been one week since my transfer. I am feeling fine – no symptoms to speak of, except for giant sore breasts but that is probably just the progesterone. I have had a few “down” days – days where I feel hopeless about this cycle working – and other days when I feel like “why not me this time – if it can works for others, why not me?”, thinking this way leads to better days for sure.

I have managed to stay relatively sane this week by keeping busy. I had spent a lot of time talking and thinking about our embryos leading up to the transfer and I think I just feel worn out. I guess the other issue is that I have no control right now – not that I did before either. My sweet husband rubs my stomach and gives it a kiss every night.

Another thing that has been keeping my mind occupied is a job offer! I applied for this job many months ago, took a written test and then an interview, hadn’t heard anything and figured it was a bust. There were several positions open – some contract and some permanent. At my interview, I told them I was only interested in a permanent position (I am currently employed in a permanent job). Yesterday I got a call asking if there was any possibility I would be interested in a 12-month contract – I was the first person they called with the offer (permanent positions went to internal candidates). Now, a lot of people start on contracts in this field, and are then extended or are eligible for internal permanent postings. I asked if I could have some time to consider it – I am totally riding the fence on this one. I have to decide by Monday, so here are my pros and cons:
Pros – better money, benefits, more opportunity to move up, not enjoying my current job
Cons – less stability with a contract, longer commute, having to prove myself at a new job, less responsibility (can be a pro or con I guess)

Here’s the other thing – what if I get a BFP next week? I’d like to think if I do get a BFP, I won’t have another care in the world – but that’s not realistic. It would be hard being pregnant at a new job, and then I’d have to leave part way through my contract and with possibly no job to return to after mat leave. Mat leave is 12 months here – sorry my American friends – so truthfully, all that is a long ways away.
On the other hand – what if I get a BFN? If I don’t take the job, then I will be mad at myself for making the decision based on hopefully getting a BFP.

So now you can see why I have been so distracted – I have a lot to think about this weekend. Even though a BFP is the most important thing to me right now, it is nice to have other things going on in my life. It’s easy to get so bogged down in IF that everything else becomes secondary – I know that is how I have felt for the last year.

Have a great weekend everyone!

21 comments:

  1. Okay, first off -- holy Cr@p -- 12 months of Maternity Leave!!

    2nd -- i live my life around the what if i get a BFP this time, and it's made me regret not taking on some opportunities ... b/c I wound up with BFNs, I know if I took them with a BFP, in the end everything would work out.

    My advice is, do what you think is right for your current situation. If life gets interrupted (positively) with a baby, then you can always modify the rest around that. :-)

    Easier said than done. I know LOL...

    Yay 1 week after transfer!! only a few more days until you test, right?....

    FINGERS CROSSED!!!

    www.becauseofmatch.com/lesspublic

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  2. Good luck and fingers crossed I really hope you get your BFP *hugs*

    Agree take the job and do what you want because you can always change it after you get the BFP *hugs*

    http://www.digital-damita.net

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  3. I say take the job, enjoy and grab all the new exciting opportunities granted to u while u wait.Don't stop dreaming or deny yourself options. When you do get your BFP you will at least have another valued work experience under your belt and lots of tales to tell your baby when she won't sleep at 4am. *Thanks for ur sweet comment*

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  4. Wow.. that is a lot to think about. It makes the 2WW go by much quicker though. I like the idea of more $ and less responsibility though.. that is tough. How much longer is the commute? That can really start to suck if it is a lot further!!!

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  5. I agree with the above...

    I used to live my life thinking that I may be PG so I can't do this or shouldn't do that. But it hasn't happened, yet. I now live my life for what IS and not for what might be. Its lets stressful and there is no need to worry about the future which we have no control over!

    Take the job if you feel you will enjoy it! If you do get PG, I'm sure it will work out just fine :)

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  6. I hope it all works out the way you hope! :-)


    ICLW

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  7. I know what you mean. There are so many things that we don't plan way ahead of time because of that big "what if". I agree with the others...if you can stand the longer commute and really want to try the new job, try it. Everything will work out either way, exactly the way God planned it.

    Happy ICLW! Hope you get your BFP!
    Emby

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  8. Here from ICLW -- hoping the next few days pass quickly and end up with good news!!

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  9. Stopping by from ICLW...GL! I hope you get your BFP! Also, GL on deciding what to do with the job...that is a hard decision.

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  10. Stopping by from ICLW. I know the feeling of the What If? I feel like I've spent the last two years putting things off or wondering what I'll have to change IF I get pregnant. It's getting old and just making me feel like my life is passing me by. I hope you make a decision that is best for you.

    Hope that embie is snuggling in tight.

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  11. Hoping for a BFP for you!

    ICLW #26

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  12. distractions are so wonderful in the 2WW! congrats on the job offer and good luck with your decision.

    and most importantly, good luck with this cycle! i hope the rest of the 2ww flies by.

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  13. congratulations on your job offer! sending good thoughts and vibes your way regarding your decision.

    i hope the tww is going quickly for you.

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  14. Congrats on the job offer - and 12 months mat leave! That is amazing - my job here in Oz has 5 months - but that's atypical. Hope the rest of the week goes by quickly. I found it's important to keep other things going in your life so that the pit of despair that is IF doesn't consume you. Baby dust! ICWL

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  15. Oh that is a really tough decision! Is there any way (this is going to sound horrible but I am a recruiter and have seen this before) that you could agree to take the job, wait to see if you are pregnant (you would realistically need to give some notice to your current employer so tell the company offering you the contract that you need to give 3 weeks if you only need to give 2). So once you know the result you can actually decide. If it's positive you can very politely revoke your acceptance. Ideal, no but it could work. Best of luck!

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  16. After awhile it starts to feel completely impossible that we will get our BFP but it happens to women all the time!

    I hope this is it for you!! Good Luck!!

    ICLW

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  17. Hey hope your tww is going as well as it can possibly go. When's your beta date? I'll be checking in constantly to look for updates.
    As for the job - well thats a tough one. You said Monday, so I am sure you have already taken the decision. Whatever it is, I hope its for the best :)
    12 months...hmmmm. And since you are not in the US, you don't need to worry about this - insurance. Else I would have said, first thing make sure your insurance is all covered!

    Good luck...will be keeping tabs.

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  18. I hope your TWW is flying by! I am in shock still of your 12 month maternity leave benefit! That is outstanding!

    A new job is always a tough decision. I hope the answer comes easy.

    ICLW!!!

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  19. When it rains, it pours! I sometimes wonder if these things come in multiples in order to challenge us in some bigger, more cosmic way. I don't think you need advice because when the time comes, you will do what feels right. The only thing I will offer is that in those times when I have agonized and second-guessed myself with lots of "what if...?" questions, I have regretted not hving more conviction. You can't live happily that way. It's like always looking over your shoulder.

    Also, although I tend to be completely up front with people, a friend ofm ine was recently offered a job while waiting to hear from another potential employer. The first offer had a deadline attached to it, so he accepted it. When the second one came through 2 weeks later, he negotiated it and signed a contract before calling the first company and giving them the bad news. It worked for him. If you get a BFP (fingers crossed!), I suppose you could change your mind about the new job, stick with the one that gives you maternity leave and be honest with the ones you are letting down. They don't want to hire and train someone just to have them leave, so they would probably be grateful for the honesty.

    Lisa (Your Great Life - ICLW #63)

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  20. Wow. 12 months maternity leave? I think I need to move north! I'm crossing my fingers for you and that you get the BFP next week!

    Happy ICLW!

    Laurie

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  21. I vote take the job opportunity so you don't wonder about it later. Worse case it doesn't work out and you move on. Congrats on 1 week down!!

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