Distractions

So it has been one week since my transfer. I am feeling fine – no symptoms to speak of, except for giant sore breasts but that is probably just the progesterone. I have had a few “down” days – days where I feel hopeless about this cycle working – and other days when I feel like “why not me this time – if it can works for others, why not me?”, thinking this way leads to better days for sure.

I have managed to stay relatively sane this week by keeping busy. I had spent a lot of time talking and thinking about our embryos leading up to the transfer and I think I just feel worn out. I guess the other issue is that I have no control right now – not that I did before either. My sweet husband rubs my stomach and gives it a kiss every night.

Another thing that has been keeping my mind occupied is a job offer! I applied for this job many months ago, took a written test and then an interview, hadn’t heard anything and figured it was a bust. There were several positions open – some contract and some permanent. At my interview, I told them I was only interested in a permanent position (I am currently employed in a permanent job). Yesterday I got a call asking if there was any possibility I would be interested in a 12-month contract – I was the first person they called with the offer (permanent positions went to internal candidates). Now, a lot of people start on contracts in this field, and are then extended or are eligible for internal permanent postings. I asked if I could have some time to consider it – I am totally riding the fence on this one. I have to decide by Monday, so here are my pros and cons:
Pros – better money, benefits, more opportunity to move up, not enjoying my current job
Cons – less stability with a contract, longer commute, having to prove myself at a new job, less responsibility (can be a pro or con I guess)

Here’s the other thing – what if I get a BFP next week? I’d like to think if I do get a BFP, I won’t have another care in the world – but that’s not realistic. It would be hard being pregnant at a new job, and then I’d have to leave part way through my contract and with possibly no job to return to after mat leave. Mat leave is 12 months here – sorry my American friends – so truthfully, all that is a long ways away.
On the other hand – what if I get a BFN? If I don’t take the job, then I will be mad at myself for making the decision based on hopefully getting a BFP.

So now you can see why I have been so distracted – I have a lot to think about this weekend. Even though a BFP is the most important thing to me right now, it is nice to have other things going on in my life. It’s easy to get so bogged down in IF that everything else becomes secondary – I know that is how I have felt for the last year.

Have a great weekend everyone!