Loss

I wish I didn't have to write this post, but I want to put this behind me. We had our second ultrasound today and it showed that the little guy didn't survive. The technician said the sac was quite large which could indicate that it had a genetic abnormality. The good news is that the stronger one is doing great. A heartbeat of 167 which we could see on the screen very clearly, and tiny legs and arms.

I was quite shaken by the bad news but now have to focus on the good news - that we have one healthy little fetus. I had started growing attached to the idea of twins, but at the same time was feeling quite scared about what is technically a high risk pregnancy. The image of my husband holding twins in my mind is what makes me the saddest, but I hope that the little guy inside me right now can thrive and stay in there to term.

All we wanted from the IVF was one healthy little baby, and so far that is the track we are on. I have an NT scan at my new hospital in about 3 weeks, so that seems to be my next big "hurdle".

I left my clinic today for the last time - the nurse today said "congratulations, you've graduated!" - at this stage, there was something comforting about being at the clinic while pregnant and now moving onto an OB is a bit daunting. My doctor gave me a big hug and told us to come back when the baby is 3 months - that seems like a lifetime away right now. I feel like I have been through so much in the last few months, it's hard to imagine my life beyond this stage.